Finding Your Footing in France: How IFS-Informed Coaching Can Help With Expat Transition Anxiety
Moving to France can be exciting, inspiring, and deeply meaningful. It can also be much harder emotionally than you expected. For many native English speakers relocating to France, the first months or even the first few years can bring a surprising mix of emotions like excitement one day, loneliness the next, confidence followed by self doubt, enthusiasm about your new life followed by the question, “What have I done?”
Even when moving to France was something you genuinely wanted, adjusting to a new country can create uncertainty and stress. Familiar routines, relationships, cultural expectations, and ways of navigating everyday life have changed. Things that once felt automatic like making friends, communicating, navigating daily tasks, or simply knowing how things work, can suddenly require much more effort.
This is one area where IFS informed coaching can offer a useful perspective.
When Different Parts of You Have Different Reactions
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a model that recognizes that we can experience different “parts” of ourselves, each with its own feelings, concerns, and perspectives.
During an international move, you might notice some very different reactions within yourself.
One part might say, “this is amazing, we made the right decision. Another might be thinking, “I don't belong here, I don't know what I'm doing.”
A more perfectionistic part may insist that “I need to learn French faster, I need to make friends, I need to figure all of this out.” You may have a part that simply wants to withdraw and say, “I don't want to deal with any of this today.”
These reactions can feel confusing, particularly when moving to France was your own choice. IFS informed coaching provides an opportunity to become curious about these different reactions rather than judging them.
From Self-Criticism to Curiosity
Expat anxiety can become more difficult when we criticize ourselves for experiencing it.
You might think, “I should be enjoying this,” or “I wanted this move so why am I struggling?” Instead of trying to push those feelings away, an IFS informed coaching approach can help you explore what may be underneath them.
For example, a part of you that worries constantly about speaking French might be concerned about embarrassment, rejection, or appearing incompetent. A part that wants everything organized and under control may be trying to create a sense of safety in an environment that still feels unfamiliar. Understanding these reactions can change the way you relate to them. Rather than seeing anxiety as something that is wrong with you, you can begin to approach it with greater curiosity and self-awareness.
You Don't Have to Fight Your Anxious Parts
IFS-informed coaching isn't about getting rid of uncomfortable emotions or forcing yourself to become completely comfortable in France. Instead, coaching can help you develop a different relationship with the parts of yourself that feel anxious, uncertain, lonely, or self-critical. There can be an important difference between, “I can't handle this," and “A part of me is having a really hard time handling this.” That small shift can create room for perspective and choice. With greater awareness, you may be able to respond to the challenges of expat life from a more grounded and confident place rather than feeling controlled by anxiety or self-imposed pressure.
Creating a Life in France That Feels Like Yours
Adjusting to France is about more than learning how to function in a different country. It's about creating a life that feels meaningful and authentic to you. That might involve building new relationships, developing confidence in unfamiliar situations, navigating cultural differences, managing the pressure to make your move “work,” or simply figuring out who you are in this new chapter of your life.
As an IFS informed mindset and performance coach, I work with individuals who want to better understand the internal reactions that can accompany major transitions and develop more clarity, confidence, and self-awareness as they move forward.
No matter how long you've been in France, if you're experiencing anxiety, self doubt, overwhelm, or difficulty finding your footing, you don't have to figure everything out alone or all at once. Your transition is a process. And understanding the different parts of yourself along the way can be an important part of creating a life in France that feels genuinely like your own.
IFS-informed coaching is a coaching approach and is not a substitute for psychotherapy or other mental-health treatment. If you are experiencing significant mental-health concerns, please reach out to my colleague Dr. Kathryn Soule, LPC and Licensed Psychologue, or another licensed mental-health professional whose services may be more appropriate.